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I was damaged goods, and because I didn't want to be around myself, I made it my mission to relieve everyone else of that gril, too. A non-committal relationship was the only one I felt I deserved. I didn't chase happiness, because it was never mine to have. Without dzting, we'd girrl into the forest and jump off the nearest cliff. There are two stages that we go through after rejection. The first is denial; we shut down, turn inwards and drive ourselves mad with self-deprecation. The second stage is acceptance -- of our depression, that is. When we make our sadness known, we end up distancing ourselves from family and friends. The people closest to you don't like the person you've become, and you've also grown to hate her.
You can't find yourself -- but neither can they, even though they know you're in there somewhere. Make no mistake: How you view yourself will continue to suffer as long as you keep yourself tethered to his thread. Recovery begins only once the thread is cut loose. Men can smell your insecurities before you walk through the door. I've loved largely and lost painfully, but this is what I know to be most true: By Jess McCann You are out with your friends enjoying a few drinks on a beautiful night. Your phone vibrates. You have one new text message. He is out in DC and wants to know where I am.
Someone tells you to be nice to the poor guy and tell him where you are.
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You never know, he might have Fallgack friends, datinf says. You are almost forced by one of your oversexed friends to call Sam and bring his entourage over. By now you have a good buzz going and figure, why not. So you text Sam and tell him where you are in Arlington. Fifteen minutes later, Sam, his best friend, and his roommate stroll into bar. People are introduced, shots are ordered, and the night officially begins. Sam is all over you and the more you drink, the more you like it. By the end of the night, you and Sam are stumbling back to your place. You continue to make out with Sam and the more you kiss him, the more you like him. How could you have disregarded him before?
And then you wake up the next day completely sober and realize you had on major margarita glasses. This fall back guy will never be a front runner. Sam is lying in your bed, snoring like a Sabertooth tiger, drooling on your favorite pillow. You are annoyed like crazy. How long is going to be here, you wonder?
Uh, no. He made it clear that he never would. Fall-back was sweet and sticky and the source of many a late-night craving. I quit him. Over and over again.
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So I took a different approach and set out to wean myself off of him. Instead of weaning, I settled into a dynamic that was far Faklback than what I now wanted: I told myself that I was free to pursue other interests and I eventually did just that. I embraced the idea that having a back-up plan was both practical and smart. No different than the spare tire you keep in the trunk in case of a flat.
However, the old blanket was Fallbback to get itchy and holey. The biggest itch was that he became less available to me. He always seemed to expect me to be on standby with my legs open, but he was never open to me in any meaningful way.